Its been a long road.
But you never left me.
I cried.
But you hugged me.
I laughed.
But you laughed louder.
I stood alone.
But you never left me.

Thank you mama and papa for being with me for giving me life and being there for all 30 years, its you I love more than the world.

Happy Birthday to me.

This here grove where the flowers are rich with color
Under the blanket of stars
Your embrace is our blanket in the winter
Our love is the nourishment in which we survive
This is not a dream but the reality in which I stare
Your eyes reflect the hues of all the flowers and twinkling stars
...but your face is yet the most beautiful enduring flower in this grove.

A Billion suns cannot dry the tears of a depressed man.
The coldest of night broken by the rising suns bring more than a tear.
Drowned out in the blinding light are my stray thoughts, clutching my pillow of tears.
Thus is the morning I bare.

I have gained my health, fitness and perhaps a little bit of love. Nice for the beginning of my 30th year of my life

So the new year is here, 2010 was a complete success in many ways. Accomplished all I wanted to do and even though had some episodes of depression, it was a fantastic year. Ahh 2011 where and what am I to do? I think my health and fitness should be first. I turn 30 this year and there are plenty of people to see and plenty of time to celebrate as well Hmmm work? Keep working I guess it will be my 2nd year as a permanent employee, but definitely a new car is in the works.

Finally my art, so many drafts.............. however I am entering a photo expo

I want to wish you all a very merry xmas! Enjoy the festive season and be safe

It hurts, I want a hug, cuddle, a lap to cry on. I have never felt like this all year, omg it hurts so much

I want to tell you everything...

Our legs tangled together...
Your breath warming my cheek...
My arms wrapped around you and caressing your back...
Our warmth keeping us comfortable ...
Your breasts on my bare chest...
My voice whispering....

"...I love you my dearest, now and forever..."

I would love to be here, drowning in those gorgeous green eyes...
...than drowning in loneliness.

So I went to France and took a visit to the Louvre museum, to be amongst so much beauty and inspiring art is breathtaking. One day is not nearly enough to see it all, 5 days is needed! Such a memorable holiday all up.

Alas depression has hit me again

Another year alive Could be worse, looking back this year (2010), so far there has been more positives than negative. Full-time permanent work in the field I have always wanted, got my fitness and my health back, managing my depression, but more importantly my one dream to go to France will finally happen in September!


But out of everything, of all the presents anyone has ever given me...my father gave me a toolbox filled with tools, to fix my car whenever I need to. Its touching and means a lot to me because I am not a car person, never was, he is the car person. But this year I gave him a computer and showed him how to use one, in return I asked him to show me how to service my car and he did and now the tools make it even better and feels more special. Not only am I using the knowledge he gave me, but the tools too.

So I finally finished reading The Road by Cormac McCarthy...I took my time reading it simply because it was short and I wanted to enjoy it as much as possible. It is a very depressive story in that from the beginning you know the ending would be sad. But the story was the day-to-day story of survival of father and son trying to find morsels of food in a cold and ashen landscape empty of all life. I will not spoil the ending for anyone, but I do recommend you read this book, it will make you appreciate everything you have even if you have nothing.

On a side note I am struggling to design anything atm, not sure why. Could be because of work, which is going well, also excitement of an upcoming European trip!

I am currently reading The Road by Cormac McCarthy, I watched a few minutes of the movie until the DVD stopped working, it was very bleak in that it shows the world to be completely lost and humanity and all life on Earth on  the brink of utter extinction. Even for its bleakness its a rather touching story. I have decided to not watch the rest of the movie until I have read the book, this is my brief review of the story (so far).

There is no future for the Earth, an unknown catastrophe has killed nearly 90% of all life, the survivors are the unlucky ones. Each day there is very little sunlight which is forever masked by gray clouds and ash, the days are getting colder and even more unbearable. A father and his son push a rusty cart with some meager belongings on a deathly silent and haunting road south to escape the cold of the coming winter, it has been years since they both had a proper meal, now it is whatever scraps they can find in the remnants of civilization. Their bond and humanity is their only drive to live out their days, others have lost their humanity, turning cannibalistic and taking human flesh as their means to survive. There is nearly no food in the world.

Only two bullets and a pistol stands between their lives and their departure from this abandoned world...

When I finish the book I will write more about it, if you have a weak heart it can be difficult to watch/read this movie/book, even though its set in a world devoid of life and full of ruin and hell, the main story is the love and bond of father and son, this is no Book of Eli with a set of comical characters and twisted towns, this is simply a story of a father and son trying to survive as long as they can each day in an unforgiving world.      

The Road - Additional info
The movie - [link]
The novel - [link]

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On a different note, things are looking up for me career wise But I have been busy with work, expect some art soon!

It can be joy, victory, discovery, loss, heartache, disappointment...it all ends in tears.

So begins another depressive week.

Temple Ruins II: Memorial

After a week of designing, 2 days of rendering and an hour of post work

Last week I previewed version 2 of Temple Ruins...it will be released for print as well, thus the render size is enormous, I am now at the render stage which should take about 7-9 hours approx. to complete. Post work has already been done to a smaller version so that process may not take too long. This design may or may not be popular, I am excited about it because it was always my favorite design and I have poured a lot of effort in this new one, creating the objects and getting everything to look right.

Stay tuned

Well its 2010, what a roller coaster year 2009 was, numerous deaths close to heart and job woes! Started 2010 on a positive note and look forward to reaching some timely goals. But the depression is still there and with it comes a work of art, I will try and harness this new wave of depression into something creative.

Depression comes and goes, its how you manage it is what makes you survive.

I just want to say a thank you to the DevArt community I never thought myself to get a DD! Its perhaps the most uplifting thing in my life lately. I will reply to all your messages in time Its been several days since I have logged on and to logon and see over 1000 messages I thought to myself...great a spam attack! But no they were all comments, thank you very much indeed